You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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