haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
