We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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