worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
