well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
