it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
