You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i drank out of a bidet.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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