I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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