i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
