So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
