every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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