My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Houston, we have a squirter
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have aggressive nipples.
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