I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
