the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
