he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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