He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you win again, gameday.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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