I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
