The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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