shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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