did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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