2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
