I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
