Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
