The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
that may or may not have been my penis.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
