You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you would pick up someone in the library
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
