I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
