I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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