Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
