Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
