I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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