you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
