I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
