We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
