I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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