i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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