I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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