she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
