I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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