I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
