I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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