6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
