I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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