We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
