hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
