she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
