Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
