just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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