Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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