Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
