Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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