does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
