just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
