No awkward lesbian experiences without me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
where does the pee come out of this thing
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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