My Higher Power is John Stamos
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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