He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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