Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
